COMPLEX TRAUMA AND RELATIONSHIPS
The walls you build to protect yourself also keep love at a distance.
You've been trying to get your needs met by people who never intended to meet them.
YOU WERE NEVER TOO MUCH. YOU deserved more than you received.
YOU'VE EXPECTED THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP FOR SO LONG THAT YOU KEEP YOUR DISTANCE WHEN IT DOESN’T.
Growing up in a chaotic environment makes you an expert at reading subtle shifts in body language and tone. Tracking these details gives you a sense of control when navigating uncertainty. But what happens when your nervous system learns to stay alert and can’t relax?
You may look for signs of conflict even in calm, consistent relationships. When a relationship is going well, it may seem suspicious or “too good to be true” since you're used to emotional volatility. At the end of the day, it’s safer to assume the worst than to trust the wrong person.
THE LOVE YOU RECEIVE AS A CHILD IS THE TYPE OF LOVE YOU ACCEPT AS AN ADULT.
The dynamics you witness as a child become your blueprint for relationships. Your expectations for others were shaped by your caregiver's capacity to express love. By intergenerational patterns. By systemic discrimination and racial trauma. As an adult, you may interpret chaos as chemistry and intensity as passion. You might also avoid being vulnerable with others altogether even if you crave closeness. Your approach to love was imposed on you, and you have the power to change it.
YOUR PAST DOESN'T HAVE TO KEEP DEFINING YOUR FUTURE.
Healing isn't about forgetting the past. It's about changing how it affects you.
Hey! Welcome to my virtual couch. Let's talk. If you don't let yourself get excited about things because it's safer to expect disappointment, you're in the right place. You don't have to convince me that your experiences are valid or justify why they still impact you. I won't tell you to get over it or remind you that others have it "worse."
I know how exhausting it can be to want closeness and fear it at the same time. You deserve to be in relationships that help you grow rather than hold you back. The ways of interacting with people that once kept you safe don't have to keep you stuck. Let's co-create a space that lets you practice lowering your guard and talking about vulnerable things. You were never meant to carry this alone.
…………
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IF
HOW MANY OF THESE EXPERIENCES CAN YOU RELATE TO?
You're drawn to people who need “fixing” in a way that feels familiar – sometimes you're not sure if you're pulling them closer or pushing them away.
You have gaps in your memories – periods of time that seem fuzzy or hard to recall.
When something doesn’t go as planned, your first instinct is to replay the situation in your head to figure out what you did wrong.
Your body reacts to stress before your mind has caught up.
Sometimes it feels like your emotions go from “zero to sixty,” and other times you feel numb inside.
THERE ARE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE HOPING AND WAITING FOR YOU TO LET THEM IN.
Let's add a door to the walls that protect you. Only you hold the key.
Therapy with me is…
WE'LL FIGURE OUT HOW YOUR PAST HAS SHAPED YOUR SENSE OF SELF AND YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR THE WORLD AROUND YOU.
Children depend on adults to teach them how much emotion they can express – if any – before taking up “too much” space. Immigrant families often label crossing that line or questioning it as “disrespectful.” You learn that expressing your true self results in being criticized or dismissed.
Over time, the systems you navigate day-to-day reinforce the idea that speaking freely comes with conditions. Your vulnerability may even be even used against you. We'll figure out how all of these experiences have shaped what you expect from others in relationships. Healing requires knowing both what happened and the world in which it happened.
YOU'LL BUILD RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE WHO VALUE MUTUAL CONSIDERATION, TRUST, AND RESPECT.
The way you feel in relationships, romantic or platonic, didn’t develop in a vacuum. When someone who is supposed to nurture and protect you repeatedly breaks your trust, it makes sense to approach relationships with caution. You may pull away when someone gets too close for comfort or stay in unsatisfying relationships, hoping that the other person will change one day. We'll identify patterns in how you interact with different people. You'll practice how to navigate conflict in relationships and repair ruptures. You'll discover that some people are worth the risk of vulnerability.
YOU'LL RECOGNIZE WHEN YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM IS RESPONDING TO THE PAST RATHER THAN THE PRESENT.
When your environment is unpredictable, staying alert gives you a sense of agency. But what happens when vigilance becomes your default despite leaving the chaos behind? Your nervous system has been doing its job. It just hasn’t realized things are different now.
You might startle easily, struggle to relax in calm situations, or experience feelings that seem out of proportion to what's actually happening. We’ll get to know your body’s unique response to complex trauma and what those signals are trying to communicate. You'll gradually rebuild trust in your ability to stay present and regulate your emotions.
EQUIPPED WITH CONTEXT, WE'LL EXAMINE THE CHAPTERS OF YOUR LIFE HIDDEN BY SHAME. YOU'LL GET TO REWRITE THEM FROM A PLACE OF EMPOWERMENT.
Shame tries to convince you that the past has more power over the present than you do. As you uncover its origin, you’ll develop a more accurate understanding of your past and rewrite your story through a lens of resilience. You'll practice offering yourself compassion by comforting yourself in difficult moments and advocating for your needs as fiercely as you do for others. We'll explore what post-traumatic growth looks like for you, which includes recognizing that caring for yourself is a form of radical resilience.
FOR WHEN TAKING THE FIRST STEP IS WITHIN REACH:
Imagine a life where…
01 YOU KNOW HOW TO ASSESS THE ENVIRONMENT FOR SAFETY AND CAN GUIDE YOUR MIND AND BODY TOWARD ACTION OR REST.
Your body used to respond to stress before you had a chance to think, counting on alarm rather than awareness. Now, you have tools to create a space between an event and your response to it.
You can distinguish between an immediate threat and a situation eliciting a traumatic memory. You’re able to figure out what your needs are in the moment, whether that's taking action or giving yourself permission to rest. Either way, you're the one deciding.
02 YOU HAVE A CLEARER SENSE OF SELF - COMPASSION FOR THE PARTS OF YOU SHAPED BY TRAUMA AND APPRECIATION FOR THOSE THAT BLOOMED IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY.
The chapters of your life once clouded by shame are proof of survival. Rather than defining you, your past helps you better understand yourself. You recognize when your actions are becoming patterns that hold you back more than protect you.
When you share your trauma history, you can do so in a way that feels vulnerable without being emotionally overwhelming. You discover that some of the qualities you value most about yourself – attention to detail, consideration, empathy, resilience – grew and persisted through the very experiences that hurt you.
03 YOU KNOW WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE AND HOW TO LET PEOPLE IN ON YOUR TERMS.
You know the difference between social connections that help you grow and ones that keep you stuck – no longer settling for the latter. You view disagreement as a normal part of relationships and an opportunity to co-create a healthy conflict resolution style.
Having tools for regulating your emotions and navigating conflict without sacrificing your own needs makes vulnerability feel less risky. It’s not effortless, but it is worth the effort. As you build trust with people, you decide who gets to gradually walk through the door into your inner world.
YOUR STORY ISN'T DEFINED BY ITS TOUGHEST CHAPTERS.