Do you ever feel like your logic and emotion are competing for your attention? If emotions tend to take over – feeling too much or too little – you may benefit from the concept of “wise mind.” It acts as a bridge between these two types of intelligence. Being able to identify and regulate your emotions strengthens your ability to make “wise” choices that align with your needs. If you find it difficult to open up to people - personally and/or professionally – beyond a surface level, DBT can also help you develop deeper, more secure relationships.

Sustainable change and growth require an in-depth understanding of what experiences led to the situation that brought you to therapy. When and how did you learn to live your life in that way? Many of us hold onto behaviors that once helped us survive yet no longer serve us. Whether it’s motivating yourself with harsh self-criticism or believing that being “worthy” of love requires self-sacrifice, we hold onto these behaviors even if they’re hurting us. Maintaining the status quo can feel safer than trying something new (e.g. prioritizing your needs), especially if you don’t know any other way to live. Insight-oriented therapy is like solving a puzzle without looking at the picture on the box. As you put pieces together, you see the bigger picture more clearly.

Children rely on adults to take care of them – of their basic (e.g. food, water, shelter) needs and higher-level (e.g. navigating emotions, fostering friendships, building self-esteem) needs. Childhood development research has shown that these interactions form the foundation for how adults treat themselves and what they expect from others. If your caregivers didn’t talk about emotions openly or dismissed them as you being “dramatic,” it’s likely that you now cope with emotions by stuffing them down. You may even view emotional expression as a “weakness” and do whatever it takes to appear “strong.” When a child’s needs aren’t met consistently (or at all) by caregivers, they may internalize the idea that other people cannot be trusted. It often leads to hyper-independence and one-sided relationships in adulthood. Identifying your attachment style is key to breaking intergenerational patterns and learning how to trust others enough to form deep, fulfilling relationships.

Many people are their own harshest critic yet the first to offer others grace. Sounds counterintuitive, right? In a society that determines someone’s value based on how much they produce, it becomes hard not to chastise yourself for not “doing enough.” This headspace can result in defining yourself solely by your work and viewing yourself as not “being enough.” The phrase “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar” also applies to how you treat yourself. Research indicates that practicing self-compassion reduces stress, builds resilience, and increases self-worth. Integrating the elements of self-compassion into your life can also help you stay grounded as you grow in your therapy journey.

Sometimes in therapy, it can be beneficial to incorporate “geeky” interests that are important to you. Possible interests include TV/movies (like the Marvel Cinematic Universe or Game of Thrones), books (Harry Potter, Shadow & Bone), music/lyrics (Kendrick Lamar, Chappell Roan), games (Dungeons & Dragons, Baldur’s Gate 3), and any special interest that makes you light up. People are often drawn to a certain character, role, or storyline because they see themselves in them - consciously or not. Compared to processing your own trauma, it’s less vulnerable to explore why Tony Stark had a panic attack in Iron Man 3 after having a PTSD flashback. You may also find it easier to have compassion for a fictional character than for yourself. When you have a panic attack, it’s because you “can’t get over” your trauma which makes you “weak,” but when it happens to Iron Man you feel compassion for him and would never doubt his strength. Techniques like these can be a great way to ease into therapy or into topics that feel particularly vulnerable.